Dragon Blog Z #5: What If GOKU Was NEVER BORN? (Part 3)

Article by Sean Wilkinson,
a.k.a. A MasakoX fan

Apologies for the Algorithm-chasing detour last Monday. If you are coming into this post cold, here are the first two parts of my "What If GOKU Was NEVER BORN?" re-write:

Dragon Blog Z #3: What If GOKU Was NEVER BORN? (Part 1)
Dragon Blog Z #4: What If GOKU Was NEVER BORN? (Part 2)

Last time, in Dragon Blog Z, Future Piccolo took on the mantle of Hero Of Time, and saved his father from the big chill at the hands of Xenomorph King Cold by going Orange.
Tasked with recruiting replacements for himself and Guru, as well as convincing Tarble, Broly, and Paragus to help with the impending Android threat, Kami managed to avert disaster.
But that victory came at a cost: with events deviating from the "History Of Piccolo" and into a variation on the Super Android 13 movie, Paragus was felled by the titular death machine, which triggered Broly into a Super-Saiyan rampage.
Though Broly smashed the Android into scrap, we also learned that Gero's legacy is far from destroyed. The original story's Androids are still in hibernation, Cell's embryo is still gestating, Gero made a digital copy of his consciousness (akin to Arnim Zola in Marvel Comics and the MCU), and a mysterious woman named Vomi (the human identity of Dragon Ball FighterZ villain, Android 21) has taken over operations. This will all play out later. But for now, Earth enters a time of relative peace.

Unnerved by his lack of control over Super-Saiyan, Broly has elected to travel to Yardrat for meditative training.
Much like Piccolo, Jr. in the original, Present Piccolo in this story has matured nearly to the physique of a teenager. He has many of Kami's memories, as well, so he can do just about everything Kami can do: Instant Transmission, the Shinkankosappo, gigantification, farsight, and (as mentioned in the last part) he knows how to make Dragon Balls. But as a result of hanging out with the Saiyans, he spends his days figuring out how to use his Guardian abilities in combat, rather than just being a proxy for his father. He's even been to Namek a few times and sparred with Nail. Piccolo enjoys these trips, and unlike Kami's first time on Namek, Nail seems to appreciate Piccolo's visits, as well. It's like they just get each other.
Besides, with Dende taking the Guardian role on Earth and Cargo succeeding Guru upon his passing, Piccolo doesn't need to be a Guardian anyway. He still shares his knowledge on a conciliary basis, but is otherwise content to be a fighter. The only thing that really weighs heavily on his mind is a flash of Kami's memory from when his future self arrived: he wanted to know how to get that Orange form (he isn't going to get it right away, though; there's still a long road ahead for him).
In this time of peace, there has also been new life.
Bulma has given birth to a girl named Bulla, who is scarily good with ki for a baby.

Bahdo, AI Art
WonderAI

The following year, Tights gave birth to a cute, little alien boy named Straps (yes, it's a play on jockstrap, because his father is Jaco), followed soon after by Gure's daughter, Bahdo (I Googled "grey vegetable," and the first thing that came up was the grey Hubbard squash, so Gure and Tarble's daughter is named Bahdo).
Animeister's Note: I realize I neglected a few characters in the last two parts, so I'm inserting a little retcon here. I mentioned in Part 1 that King Piccolo killed Pilaf, but I did not say anything about the fate of his sidekicks, Mai and Shu. We know from the Goku Black Arc of Super that Mai can be a badass when things get dark, and she was always the most serious of the Gang, so I'm going to say that she and Shu managed to escape and go into hiding until Kami showed up. From this point on, Mai kind of fills the Launch role, improving her combat skills along with Shu while Shu learns gardening from Korin (insert comedic animosity because cats and dogs), but moving in with Master Roshi (Pilaf's castle got destroyed in King Piccolo's rampage, and Mai can keep Roshi's perverted tendencies in line with her sharpshooter skills). Krillin (whom I neglected in the romance department in Part 2) often comes to Roshi's island to fire Kamehameha beams into the ocean, so he and Mai end up spending a lot of time together once he is revived.

Teen Kumu, AI Art
WonderAI

They have a boy named Kumu (named after mushi and kuri, Japanese words for steam and chestnut). He's the "human Gohan" here, idolizing his father and respecting his mother, but scared of combat at first. Unlike Gohan, though, he doesn't have a rage boost, and therefore isn't pushed to fight as much. Fast-forwarding to the Saiyan invasion, I'll add the detail (foreshadowing pun) that Vegeta uses the Moon Burst Explosion and turns into an Oozaru, and Shu is the one to cut off his tail. Also, I'm including Mai in the Black Star search party. She does not have any of King Kai's techniques, but does learn some of Tien's techniques and receives training on Yardrat, so she has the unique skill among the human fighters of being able to do multiform without dividing her strength. In the meantime, Kumu is raised and trained by Roshi. He also participates in the RoS&T training with his father and Yamcha. Closer to present day, Mai is going to give birth to her second child at around the same time as Bulma. The child's name?

Marin, AI Art
WonderAI

It's a girl named Marin (not to be confused with his and 18's daughter from the original, Marron, or Krillin's Bulma-alike filler girlfriend, Maron; this is a combination of Mai's name and the end of Krillin's Japanese name).

Now, back to the story....
Without a strict academic upbringing, and his martial arts and weapons training, Kumu has gotten a job as a police officer (like father, like son). Thus, he is present for the bank standoff when Videl shows up, and accidentally reveals his true strength to her like Gohan did in the original. There's no Saiyaman weirdness, no Cell Games trauma, no Golden Warrior or anything like that because there was no Ginyu force influence and he's not a Saiyan, but Kumu plays off his abilities by saying he's part of a special program, testing powered police gear that boosts his strength and lets him fly. She buys it at first, but she decides to follow him one day, and sees him flying...out of uniform. The blackmail and romance dynamics occur like in the original, ending with Kumu teaching Videl how to use ki to fly and enhance her strength. Also, he has to fight in the tournament that's coming up.

Five years after Marin and the other kids are born, it's time for the 25th Tenkaichi Budokai. Much like the original, there is a Junior division and an Adult division now, with the Junior competitors including Bulla, Straps, Bahdo, and Marin, all of whom make the Final Four without breaking a sweat. Marin easily defeats Straps because she's more skilled and Straps (much like his father) doesn't take the fight seriously. Bahdo defeats Bulla thanks to the Saiyan factor, but Bulla still puts up a good fight thanks to her uncanny ki control. This is also the case for the final between Bahdo and Marin as well, but it's a much more spectacular fight, with moments that ring of original Dragon Ball fights like Goku vs. Tien 22 and Goku vs. Krillin 23. The "prize" happens much like the original, with Bahdo getting a bonus match against the reigning, two-time champ, Hercule (Videl's father), and comedically owning him with a single punch.
The Adult division competitors are Tarble, Kumu, Piccolo, Krillin, Yamcha, Tien, Videl, Shin, Kibito, Spopovich, Yamu, and Hercule.
The backstage drama between Piccolo, Shin, and Kibito happen the same, as do the squash match between Videl and Spopovich, with Kumu giving the brute a stunning punch to the gut and flying Videl to safety.
Once at the hospital, Kumu stays with Videl to make sure she is in stable condition. When Hercule shows up to check on Videl, the two men butt heads, and Kumu sneaks her a Senzu bean like Gohan did in the original, the results of which confound Hercule and the doctors, giving Kumu a chance to slip away.
The Tournament continues with Kibito vs. Tarble, where the Kai attendant goads Tarble into Super-Saiyan so he can flush out Yamu and follow the two Majin-ized goons to their destination. The tournament is a wash now; the spectators are traumatized by the events of the last two matchups, and...did all of the competitors just leave? By flying?

Yes, and it's a long flight full of exposition about an ancient space wizard named Babidi and how he brainwashes people into gathering fighting energy for him so he can revive his living instrument of destruction, Majin Buu.

Well, Hercule is still on the tournament grounds, and he hosted and financed the event, so the Champ stays the Champ?

As in the original, Spopovich and Yamu spend their final moments learning what body horror is, and Babidi puts the Z-Fighters through a boss gauntlet that serves to both keep them from hindering his plans, and forces them to fight so he can gather their energy for Buu.
On the surface, Piccolo, Krillin, Yamcha, Kumu, and Kibito try to stall Dabura the Demon King, whose spit turns Krillin, Yamcha, and Kibito to stone. Piccolo gets struck on the arm, but rips it off before the petrification can spread any further, and grows a new one. Then, we get a cool battle of attrition in Piccolo and Kumu vs. Dabura, with Piccolo setting up the Light Zone Grenade (Hellzone Grenade, but with good guy branding) field while Kumu uses his Destructo Sword technique in combination with Kaio Ken to engage the Demon King in a high-speed sword fight. It looks awesome, and continues until Babidi calls Dabura away, saying that he has something more important for the demon to prepare for the other fighters. Unfortunately, Yamcha and Kibito are shattered by Dabura in the exchange.
Meanwhile, Tarble, Tien, and Shin make their way into Babidi's subterranean spaceship.
On the first level, Tien is the one to fight Pui Pui (it was Vegeta in the original), with Babidi transporting them to Zoon, Pui Pui's homeworld, which has gravity ten times stronger than on Earth. But not only did Tien undergo the most effective training on King Kai's planet (which has that same gravity multiplier), he trained under even higher gravity during the Black Star quest. So Pui Pui is nothing to Tien.
Level Two sees Tarble going up against Yakon. I use the word, "sees," quite loosely here, as their fight is transported to Yakon's lightless homeworld, the Dark Star. Which makes little sense because Yakon feeds on light, but the author of one of the best battle shonen manga in history can't think of everything.... Just like Goku did in the original, Tarble cranks up Super-Saiyan, feeding his ki to Yakon until the beast explodes.
But Babidi is only slightly perturbed by this, as he tells the fighters above and below that he has one more opponent for them. Remember that thing he had Dabura put the finishing touches on?
When Tarble, Tien, and Shin reach the bottom level, a door slides open at the far end of the room, and a familiar figure emerges: Vegeta.
Vegeta here isn't anywhere near as strong as he would have been in the original, but considering how Babidi's magic turned Spopovich (once the second strongest normal human on Earth) into an unstoppable mass of flying muscle and savagery, let's say this story's Majin Vegeta gets to a level of Super-Saiyan Grade 4, rather than an enhanced Super-Saiyan 2.
As the only one capable of matching that power, Tarble steps up once again. It's a great, symbolic, brother vs. brother fight, in which Vegeta spouts his old rhetoric about Tarble being weak and useless and an outcast not worthy of the Vegeta family legacy, while Tarble proves him wrong in real time by not only keeping pace with his more experienced, older brother, but getting in a few good shots here and there.
Oh, and Shin is shouting at them to stop feeding Majin Buu. But that goes as well as expected; soon enough, the walnut shell-looking ball that contains Majin Buu cracks open, and pink mist wafts from its interior. The ball appears to be empty, but an ominous ki fills the air, making Tarble and Vegeta stop their battle. Rather than dissipating, the pink mist coalesces in the sky above them, taking the shape of a childish, pudgy, genie-looking thing that starts cavorting around, laughing, and doing a strange ribbon dance with a strip of its own belly fat. The dance is soon accompanied by Buu spitting red energy balls across the landscape.
No one knows what to do. Babidi can't believe this childish fool is the weapon his father left to him. The remaining fighters try in vain to attack Buu with every physical and ki-based maneuver they know, but even when they do manage to make a dent or hole in Buu, he just laughs it off, sucks in a breath, and pop! It's like nothing ever happened. Babidi is thrilled with this development and commands Buu to finish them off, but the pink menace blows a raspberry at him. It's evident now that Buu can't be controlled, so Babidi sends Dabura in to fight him, only for Buu to immediately fire his Food Beam, transforming Dabura into a cookie and eating him. Babidi shouts more epithets his way, but Buu just floats up to the little potato wizard with a dead, menacing look in his eyes, and patty-cake's Babidi's head into a Thanksgiving side with red-eye gravy. Ouch! Eww!
Speaking of Ouch and Eww, with Dabura having been killed, Krillin de-petrifies and looks around to find Kibito and Yamcha have also de-petrified...in pieces. But Yamcha's pieces have fallen into a certain, memetic pose. So, yay for fans?
And speaking of fan service, now that there's no one to control Majin Buu (if he could have ever been controlled), Vegeta realizes the mistake he made in letting Babidi and Dabura get him out of Hell for petty revenge. He also acknowledges Tarble's growth and "pride" as a Saiyan warrior, hugging his kid brother before knocking him out with a gut-punch and facing Majin Buu on his own. Like in the original, Vegeta unleashes all of his ki in a Final Explosion, sacrificing himself to destroy Majin Buu. But also like in the original, this does nothing because Majin Buu can regenerate.
With no one left to fight him at the moment, Buu flies off to enjoy himself, terrorizing cities and turning their inhabitants into candy, cookies, donuts, and other treats to inhale en masse.
Sensing all of this, Shin hurries to wake up Tarble, and comes up with an idea: this isn't the same Majin Buu he remembered from those millions of years ago; absorbing Shin's master, the Grand Supreme Kai, changed Buu's appearance and demeanor. So maybe they can stop Buu by appealing to his childish nature?
Tarble shudders at the thought of engaging Buu in conversation. One wrong word, and he, too, could be rendered...narrow-minded...at the hands of Buu. Ugh.... Yes, Tarble had experience with this kind of thing from the time he spent with Broly, but Broly actually made sense; Buu, on the other hand, danced with his own belly fat and turned people into junk food. Not exactly normal....
Meanwhile, Piccolo has also sensed the growing threat of Majin Buu, and he, along with Kumu and Krillin, teleports to the Lookout, having his own plan in mind. But to go through with this plan invites much turmoil upon his soul.
As Kumu and Krillin train together in the Room of Spirit and Time, Piccolo reluctantly approaches his father.
With their differing philosophies, Piccolo and Kami never talked to each other much. It wasn't animous, like the God/Demon dynamic they had in the original; just a simple generation gap between father and son. Their awkward dynamic wasn't the only thing weighing on Piccolo, either. During his trips to Namek, he would often converse with Nail about Namekian history (when they weren't sparring), and one time, Piccolo broached the subject of fusion. His father had done it to protect the Earth once, and it had made Kami stronger. But to Nail, fusion was a taboo subject. There were so few of his people left that to allow fusion could put their race in jeopardy. Furthermore, there was no telling which personality would dominate in a fusion, or if an entirely new one would replace them both. The existential dread was almost too much to bear.
Thankfully, Kami and Piccolo didn't have to say much of anything because they could read each other's minds. All Kami said was, "Do what you think is best." Piccolo nodded and put his hand on Kami's chest. A bright light surrounded them, and when it faded, only Piccolo remained. He now had all of Kami's memories in addition to his own, as well as Kami's incredible power. Piccolo felt amazing! Great! Wonderful! Stupendous! Thesaurus! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Back on the ground, Tarble went about tracking down Majin Buu, who had grown bored with eating people and was just sitting cross-legged in the dirt in front of his odd-looking house, drawing with a stick.
Animeister's Note: I considered following in the paces of one of Masako's early What If? stories, and just having Tarble go Super-Saiyan and vaporize Buu while his guard was down. But that's not in Tarble's character, and if he did try that, he isn't strong enough to keep Buu from regenerating. If Majin Vegeta couldn't do it with all of his ki, Tarble has no chance of pulling it off.

Instead of that, a shuddering Tarble just approaches Buu, sits cross-legged across from him, and starts commenting on Buu's dirt-art, which is as terrifying and hilarious as it sounds.
Sure enough, Buu soon gets bored with this exchange, and decides he is hungry.
Though he is frightened that Buu might decide to turn him into candy becuase of the genie's short attention span, Tarble takes the risk of distracting Buu by asking if he really needs to turn people into sweets. Buu says that he likes the taste of real sweets better, but he's always hungry and there aren't enough of them in the world to satisfy him. This gives Tarble an idea, and he asks Buu to wait for him to bring food. Buu agrees, and continues with his dirt art, now drawing still lives of various foods. He is soon joined by Bee, a little dog who had been watching Buu and Tarble from a distance. With Tarble gone, Bee has gathered the courage to approach Majin Buu, and begins eyeing the stick in Buu's hand, then looking off in the distance, then back to the stick, the distance, the stick,..., until Buu gets the idea and throws the stick.
While Bee and Majin Buu are playing fetch, Tarble flies to Korin Tower to enact his plan. Originally, Senzu beans weren't written as the instant cure that they would become in Dragon Ball Z. In the Dragon Ball part of the story, a Senzu bean was more of a dietary supplement, able to keep a person full and energized for ten days. So going off of that, Tarble came up with the idea to disguise Senzu beans as gumballs, malt balls, chocolate-covered nuts, and other varieties of sweets. Sure, Buu wouldn't be satisfied with just one Senzu bean, but if he ate enough, even Buu could be satisfied for those ten days. It wasn't a permanent solution, but it was a smart one.
But back at Buu's house, the play session with Bee is cut short when Van Zant, Smitty, and an unexpected addition to their group set their sights on the playful pair.
As in the original story, Van Zant shoots Bee, and Majin Buu heals the little dog, but is so overcome with fury that steam starts coming out of his...pores?
But unlike the original, the steam doesn't form into Evil Buu; instead, it wafts through the air, like a delicious smell in an old cartoon, as it seems drawn to the third member of Van Zant's group.
"You did well," says the woman at Van Zant's side, who is holding up her hands, palms open to receive the steam-like presence.
"My pleasure, babe!" Van Zant replies. "Now, about my payment...?"
"Oh, you'll pay, alright," the woman retorts, now looking and sounding much different than she did a moment ago. "Now that Vomi feels hungry."

And that's where I say: Sorry for the uncanny valley effect of those AI pictures. Those kids just gaze into your soul, don't they? I couldn't get Wonder AI to generate a picture of Bahdo that had more of Gure's features (very Saiyan-looking, though, and they got her belt sort of right), and when I tried to get it to give me a picture of what Jaco and Tights' son, Straps would look like, Wonder gave me waist-down photographs of women jogging in tights. Roshi would approve? I did not.

Oh, and sorry for ruining the cliffhanger with my jabbering. Until next time on Dragon Blog Z,
Animeister,
Out.