Just the Ticket

As I have been doing lately, I used to post on an irregular schedule (i.e.: whenever I felt like it), and would occasionally ask my fellow GOMers (if I haven't done a joke about that yet, be patient; an upcoming Ticket Stubs   will satisfy your thirst for TV Land-based punnery, I promise) to keep the tradition going in my stead. None ever obliged me in that regard, but despite the few sabbaticals I took from the Blogosphere, my desire to share my opinions on the variety of cinematic efforts put forth over the years has never waned. As we once more travel back in time, note that if you give me an A for effort, I'll give you an F in spelling. Time now for a day of blood, sweat, and tears. From February 23, 2005 (SW@ Ticket #33: A Cut Above the Foot):  Reviews will be few and far between lately. I am three weeks behind schedule in the Hollywood Video movie guide. Hopefully, I will get posts out for The Grudge , Metallica , Pauly Shore is Dead , Taxi , and a few others. If anyo...

In the last Ticket Stubs , I commented that I hope Hellboy  and The Whole Ten Yards  would turn out to be better than the crap I had just reviewed, and spoiled the fun by saying that the answer was "a resounding NO!" Here's why: FROM September 7, 2004 (SW@ Ticket #16.66: Hell Hath No Fury...):  Hell may have no fury like a woman scorned. But Hellboy hath no fury, period. Ron Perlman (voice of the Beast in some old, sappy Disney film locked by Miramax in that fabled Vault sometime in the recent past), not looking much different than the Beast--except for the red skin, giant stone hand, and cigarette habit--plays the title villain-turned-hero. As a "boy," he was ripped from Hell by the Nazis, recovered by the United States, and raised by the government to be a superhero. Good premise to start out with, but everything else goes wrong. Apparently, the Nazis have been transformed into an evil version of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen . We have a reincar...

Last issue, my Ticket Stubs series came full circle (but did not end, mind you) with a review of one of the best R-Rated  comedies I've seen since American Pie . It being summer, and with me having already shared Wedding Crashers with a new generation of Ticketholders, I decided to re-release the rest of my "One SW@ Summer" issue in all its uncut, raunchily synopsized rantiness. FROM September 15, 2005 ( SW@ Ticket #44: One SW@ Summer ): Here's a recap of my cinematic summer: Unfortunately, I did not get to see if Fantastic Four was as limited in potential and scope as the nutcase at the SD Reader believed it to be. But fortunately, I was able to determine the best R-to-PG13 de-make, I saw a relatively low A- scare-fest with an unexpectedly 80s B-movie ending, and an almost bearable sci-fi flick. I am also fortunate to have "missed" Charlie and the Chocolate Factory , Herbie: Fully Loaded , and Sky High . Enough hints and jokes; let's get back to ...

In the first three episodes of Anger Management  (reviewed last issue ), there is news footage of "Charlie" getting angry and breaking his knee over a baseball bat, and an entire episode is devoted to the concept of the slumpbuster: a baseball player with a low batting average sleeping with the most full-figured or ugliest woman he can find to clear his head and get back on a hitting streak. In a brilliantly unoriginal play, USA Network's Necessary Roughness  aired an episode titled "Slumpbuster" that same week, complete with angry bat-breaker. I enjoy watching Callie Thorne ( Rescue Me ) as sports therapist Dani Santino, a much milder character than in her previous gig, but still taking crap as often as she takes no for an answer (not very often), especially when it comes to her two kids ( Amazing Spider-Man 's Hannah Marks and Mean Girls 2 's Patrick Johnson ) and her patients, who usually change from episode to episode, following the time-honored ...