Ticket Stubs #16: Sweet Sixteen (Blocks, That Is)

Well, folks and Fockers, today is yet another milestone in the life and times of the Ticketmaster. As I write this introduction, the Ticketverse crosses the 4,000 pageview mark. This is also Ticket Stubs' Sweet Sixteen, and back in the day, what you are about to read comprised the fiftieth issue of the original SW@ Ticket.

When I was writing SW@ Ticket #50: Sweet Sixteen (Blocks, That Is) back on July 1, 2006, here is what I had to say:

You might ask "Well, SW@, how do you plan to celebrate your breakout column's fiftieth birthday?" And I might respond by saying "I'm going to Hawaii...yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!"

But seriously, people, SW@ Ticket won't officially turn 50 until I finish the fiftieth issue. So I guess I'll start celebrating by writing the damn thing.

Today on SW@ Ticket, Bruce Willis is a drunkass cop turned drunken master in 16Blocks.
In the tradition of SWAT (shameless self-promotion alert!), 16Blocks is a good cop, bad cop film in which the good cop (Willis, in a goofy blonde mustache) must protect a valuable witness (Mos Def, sounding like the illegitimate son of Mike Tyson and Michael Jackson) from the bad cops (led by David Morse, looking sooo obviously like the bad cop).

Initially, Willis' character doesn't give a damn about anybody but Jack Daniels and Johnny Walker. But when the man he's guarding is in danger, Willis drops the fifth in favor of his .45 and becomes a man of action, actually trying to get the white rabbit (racial irony not intended) to court on time--"I'm late, I'm late for a very important date."

Several shootouts, a half-assed hostage film, and a slowly building partnership later, justice is served a-la-Die Hard, with less blood and a side of cake. The plot may not be much, but the action and character development are where it's at. So yippie-kai-yay, Motherf***er!

B+

If the Lyric Fits:

"Come to decide

that the things that I tried

were in my life just to get high on.

When I sit alone,

come get a little known,

but I need more than myself this time.

Step from the road to the sea to the sky

and I do believe what we rely on

...

When it's killing me,

when will I really see

all that I need to look inside?

...

Come to believe

that I better not leave

before I get my chance to ride.

When it's killing me,

what do I really need?

All that I need to look inside"

- "Snow (Hey O)", RHCP, Stadium Arcadium (Jupiter)

Like 16Blocks, this issue was a pretty easy cut and paste job. Stay tuned as the run-through of milestone moments maintains its momentum in the next reissue. And coming in the near future, a look at the Heroic Journey in an epic Ticket Stubs/Cover Charge crossover event.