Just the Ticket #209: Invasion Of Astro-Monster
a.k.a. The Ticketmaster.
That's right, Ticketholders; it's Invasion OF Astro-Monster, not Invasion Of THE Astro-Monster. Why? Who knows? Japan, maybe? Why is a lumbering force of destruction and nuclear allegory suddenly a dancing idiot with mad boxing skills who can only use his most iconic attack from cover like this movie is XCOM DLC? Who knows? It's Goj-Year-ra, so let's find out.
1965's Invasion Of Astro-Monster (a.k.a. The Great War Of the Monsters in Japanese, also marketed as Godzilla vs Monster Zero) is another Honda joint with Sekizawa returning as writer and leaning harder into the science-fiction angle, to a fault in some ways and to the film's benefit in others.
Though the model work is obvious (incongruous colors, a plastic sheen, and the characters not moving; things that wouldn't have stood out as much on the visual fidelity of the time as they do now), the set design is dated (if it has flashing lights and a big dial, it must be important!), and the aliens look like suppositories wearing elf shoes, the spectacle achieved is incredibly charming. The same cannot be said of the story, however.
Because it was the sixties (the year 196X, to be...specific?), Japan has sent astronauts Glenn (Nick Adams, Frankenstein Conquers the World, with his voice dubbed in Japanese by voice actor Gorō Naya) and Kazuo (Akira Takarada, Mothra vs Godzilla) in a very Duck Dodgers In the 24th½ Century-looking rocket to search for Planet X on the far side of Jupiter.
When they arrive via the aforementioned practical effects, Kazuo goes exploring and finds himself under siege by a very familiar-looking and -sounding lightning storm, and is lured underground when he discovers that Glenn and their rocket have disappeared.
Enter the aforementioned, sentient elvish butt-plugs,
referred to Xternally as Xliens (because of course they are), who are seemingly at the mercy of something they call "Monster Zero" (I'm surprised they didn't call it "Monster Xero," but this is a movie from the siXties, not the nineties, so we can thanX our luXy Xtars for that, I guess). And if the poster and the crackling yellow lightning breath didn't give it away, Astro-Monster/Monster Zero is King Ghidorah (Shoichi Hirose).
The Controller of Planet X (Yoshio Tsuchiya, Rikichi in Seven Samurai and Kohei in Yojimbo), who seems incredibly concerned about his planet's hydrogen peroxide supply (which everyone, including the two trained astronauts, misidentifies as water) offers Earth a cure for cancer in exchange for letting them borrow Godzilla and Rodan (Monsters One and Two, as they call them, because this movie didn't make me think about Mega Man nearly enough) to deal with their Ghidorah problem because they watched the previous movie on Xvideos or something. No mention is made of Mothra, however, probably for recurring budgetary reasons at the time (something Ishirō Honda regrets about the pace of the 1960s production cycle).
Meanwhile, a struggling inventor named Tetsuo (Akira Kubo, who would star in two more Godzilla films after this), who is romantically involved with Kazuo's sister Haruno (Keiko Sawai, Frankenstein vs Baragon) much to the astronaut's dismay, gets scammed by a toy company who want his latest, noise-emitting invention for reasons that will be painfully contrived later, at the behest of their beautiful negotiator Namikawa (Kumi Mizuno, also of Frankenstein vs Baragon)...who is romancing Glenn‽
So, if you haven't guessed already, Planet X wants Earth's "water," and have infiltrated Earth in the past to prepare for their invasion here (an Invasion Of Astro-Monster, if you will) to get their hands on it, using Ghidorah and a brainwashed Godzilla and Rodan to intimidate and wipe out the Earth's population (subtly suggesting to continuity fans that the Xliens were responsible for the devastation of Venus that was mentioned in the previous film). And as for that painful contrivance I mentioned before, Namikawa was secretly an Xlien clone and the toy company was working for them to steal and destroy loud, high-frequency gadgets because Tetsuo's "invention" was their one and only weakness! Well, that and their ineptitude with fluid chemistry, their self-defeating villainous exposition, their faulty programming that registers all deviations from their plans as further signs of success, and anything that can disrupt electromagnetic frequencies.
But how were the fights, you may be asking? Well, I kind of already addressed that in the intro. Godzilla (Haruo Nakajima) is a new suit again, now designed to be more flexible and expressive in accordance with his recent shift to a protagonist role. This means there's a lot more kicking and throwing of rocks, more grappling and tackling, some admittedly fun displays of pugilism, and of course, a goofy victory dance, with his atomic breath only being used sparingly like it's rare ammo in a cover shooter. Rodan (Masaki Shinohara, reprising his role from the previous film) gets some cool moments in the final battle, as well, carrying and body-slamming Ghidorah with his spiked belly. But ultimately, it's another case of the hero knocking the villain into the ocean (I think this makes three times now?) and Ghidorah flying off for the second time because he's tired of getting double-teamed and brainwashed.
Invasion Of Astro-Monster has its visual charms, but even with fewer moving parts (they didn't even have to establish the kaiju this time! And there was one less of them!), the story was more predictable, contrived, needlessly convoluted, and less enjoyable than Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster.
D+
Hopefully, Godzilla fighting a sea monster next week will prove to have a more unique ending by necessity of logic, and hopefully also, I can make more progress on my big project this weekend. The Just the Ticket Countdown to One Thousand is only at
90
so the big one is still a long way off. But that's no reason for me to dawdle in the darkness.
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Ticketmaster Zero,
Out of Peroxide.
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