Just the Ticket #60: How to Punish Turtles

Don't be alarmed, Ticketholders! I have no intention of abusing any endangered species today. For those non-gamers who read my blog, a "Turtle" is a fighting game player who takes a purely defensive stance against opponents, constantly blocking and running away while spamming projectiles. Turtling can be an effective strategy against fellow fighting game amateurs or computer-controlled opponents with low difficulty, but is not fool-proof, especially against higher level players. Those who turtle can be tripped while standing or hit by overheads when crouching, and in games with blocking meters, aggressive play can deplete the Turtle's meter and leave them defenseless for a few extremely punishable seconds.
So with that said, how do you deal with those who block every attack? How do you punish a Turtle? You Attack the Block! Get me?

Attack the Block is one of those movies you can take or leave, depending on how you judge it.
In the rough London neighborhood dominated by a juvenile street gang (sporting terrible, incomprehensible Jamaican-Cockney accents--even the white boys, whose accents are thicker and more inconsistent for some reason) known by locals as "The Block," it's prime time for shooting off fireworks (an irony at this time of year because we have fireworks shows to celebrate our independence from the British seven score and nine years ago), which is why nobody but the 'bangers notices when aliens start crashing to Earth in Roman Candle-like streaks of light. Armed with samurai swords, baseball bats, switchblades, and illegal fireworks, the gang turns over a new leaf, joining forces with their former victims and rival gang members to defend "The Block" from the rabid invaders.
The aliens (one white female and a seemingly endless horde of pitch-black males with multiple rows of razor-sharp, glowing green teeth, presumably from some unknown nocturnal planet) look like rip-offs of the Ben 10 character Wildmutt, but are far superior in execution to the cartoon character's live-action digital renderings and sufficiently savage to frighten, even at a distance. There is also an electronic quality to them, unfortunately, as their growls and the glowing of their teeth are accompanied by that crackling whine effect reserved for recharging energy weapons on Star Trek. Rather than an animalistic sound, it comes off as a byproduct of outfitting animatronic "dog-gorilla-wolf muthafuckahs" with sets of Lite-Brite dentures, a byproduct that the effects people had neither the resources nor the desire to conceal.

Wildmutt

Aside from the better-than-cheap monster effects and less-than-understandable accents, Attack the Block has gangsta personality up the wazoo. It's your basic "run from the carnivorous aliens" plot, but with alien snacks well-armed enough and crazy enough to fight back more often than they run and scream; victims who refuse to be victims. And they do it with a warrior's glee that only comes to those young at heart who are finally faced with a challenge greater than mugging a defenseless nurse (Jodie Whitaker). Even Moses, the intensely focused shogunite gang leader (AtB standout John Boyega) shows a little heart and soul between alien beheadings. Sadly, though, the only British actor in the whole movie whom I have heard of (Nick Frost of Hot Fuzz and Paul, relegated to a supporting role as a paranoid pot dealer) wasn't featured prominently enough to fully contribute his comic genius to the project. Of course, more comedy would likely have tainted the mood and ruined the ballsy attitude of Attack the Block, a unique chemistry of action, subtle British humor, tasteful gore, and aggressive stage presence that helped to gloss over the average production value and lack of story and star power.
C+

I'm taking Independence Day off, as I won't get anything from Netflix until the day after. This should give my most popular posts time to continue past the 20 reader mark. But I'll return from the holiday with a Tasmanian Tiger double feature for you: Willem Dafoe goes in search of the elusive animal as The Hunter, and an Australian cannibal looks to continue his family legacy in the After Dark Horrorfest selection, Dying Breed. Stay tuned, punish a turtle or two, and try not to get eaten.