Just the Ticket

That automatic response that happens in your brain when you're faced with a perceived threat. It can get you into trouble, but is a great motivational tool for survival when focused properly. Where the Quote Of the Week is concerned, however, it's wise to watch your cabin pressure. But enough Customer Service talk. I promised a Flightplan  packed with  Red Eye s and white knuckles, so let's get on with the show! FROM April 16, 2006 (SW@ Ticket #48: Fight or Flight):   Snakes on a Plane ? Who decided that was a good name for a movie? And who decided Samuel L. Jackson was sane when he said "this is a great movie title; change it and I quit"? These questions and more will  not  be answered today because the movie hasn't come out yet. What we  will  look at today is  Suspense on a Plane : reviews of  Red Eye  and  Flightplan . Both movies essentially have the same plot: Heroine is forced by villain to orchestrate a political ...

Last issue, my Ticket Stubs series came full circle (but did not end, mind you) with a review of one of the best R-Rated  comedies I've seen since American Pie . It being summer, and with me having already shared Wedding Crashers with a new generation of Ticketholders, I decided to re-release the rest of my "One SW@ Summer" issue in all its uncut, raunchily synopsized rantiness. FROM September 15, 2005 ( SW@ Ticket #44: One SW@ Summer ): Here's a recap of my cinematic summer: Unfortunately, I did not get to see if Fantastic Four was as limited in potential and scope as the nutcase at the SD Reader believed it to be. But fortunately, I was able to determine the best R-to-PG13 de-make, I saw a relatively low A- scare-fest with an unexpectedly 80s B-movie ending, and an almost bearable sci-fi flick. I am also fortunate to have "missed" Charlie and the Chocolate Factory , Herbie: Fully Loaded , and Sky High . Enough hints and jokes; let's get back to ...

It would seem Ticket Stubs has taken on a theme of sorts. I kicked things off with Crash , which shared a star with Hustle & Flow . I mentioned Mary Jane (marijuana) in that review, which led me to Spider-Man , wherein I commented on the choice of Thomas Haydn Church (I researched it, and THC is  a chemical found in marijuana--see Mary Jane reference above) to play the Sandman in Spider-Man 3 . Church also stars in Sideways , in which he and Paul Giamatti embark on a depressing road trip to Church's wedding, and now things have come full circle with a review of Wedding Crashers . FROM September 15, 2005  (SW@ Ticket #44: One SW@ Summer)  In  Wedding Crashers , Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson are divorce mediators who crash weddings to choose the hottest bridesmaids to have wild, DNA-spreading, one-night-stand sex with. Turning in the direction of many crime capers, the two schmucks go for "one last job" before they retire. Christopher Walken, the go-to guy for p...

From my first reference to it in my review of The Trip  to my many mentions of Thomas Haydn Church in yesterday's "Then & Now," my official third issue of Ticket Stubs brings you a review, via the many traditions observed by the stars of  Sideways ,   many of which are antiquated and pointless. FROM May 12, 2005 (SW@ Ticket #37: Sex Wax , Sideways Stories, & the Star Spanglish Banner):  Sideways is a classic odd couple road trip movie, minus most of the laughs. In Joey Lawrence ( Blossom ) and Matt LeBlanc ( Friends ) tradition, Thomas Haydn Church is a stupid actor. In his own tradition of the depressed introvert writer from American Splendor , Paul Giamatti is a downer who thinks he can't write, knows too much about wine, and drinks too much about wine. In the tradition of American Wedding (minus the laughs and the wedding), Sideways follows Church and Giamatti through California's vineyards on the way to Church's wedding. Along the way,...

Ticket Stubs so far is doing really well. The first issue got 27 hits in one day. Not big by modern standards (like, 100,000,000 hits or so), but it's the biggest audience of any of my posts so far. As promised, today's issue of Ticket Stubs--a decimal issue, as was the original "Then & Now"--is an updated, mega-sized, Marvelous Edition of my look back at the saga of series' and cinema starring Spider-Man. FROM April 28, 2004 (SW@ Ticket #3.5: Spider-Man Then & Now):  I have always been a big fan of all things Spider-Man. I had never missed an episode of the old Marvel Spider-Man series (fuck all that Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends  bullshit. Anything that reminds me of the Superfriends makes me reach for the barf bucket), and when the Spider-Man movie (a candidate for the Most Wanted Movie of the Week) came out on my birthday, I just had to see it. And I plan on seeing Spider-Man 2 when it comes out. Call me a freak or a geek, but Stan Lee wro...

On the heels of last issue quickly comes  an awesome, inspiring, inspired, award-worthy performance by Terrence Howard  ( Iron Man ). FROM April 11, 2006 (SW@ Ticket #47: Pimpin' Ain't Easy):  Sleeping around, sperm banks, ho's in different area codes, giving ass and forgetting names; whatever you want to call it, Pimpin' Ain't Easy. Just ask the stars of  Hustle & Flow .  Crash 's Terrence Howard plays DJay, a one-ho pimp selling skin to support his pregnant wife and their 3yr old son. Tired of selling Nola (Taryn Manning) and some prime bags of Mary Jane just to break even, DJay looks to make an impression on the rap industry. Fueled by self-delusion and supportive family and friends, DJay cuts a demo tape with some raw, personal rhymes (sadly, none were actually written by Howard. He performs them as if the lyrics came from his heart and mind, and the movie would have been more impressive if Howard had authored DJay's songs, but that he perform...

Do you save that little piece of cardboard they tear off your movie ticket before you go into the theater? I do. And I've saved every movie review I ever wrote, some of which I have referenced quite frequently in Just the Ticket, beginning with Crash , which I first referenced for you in last year's review of The Ledge . FROM November 22, 2005 (SW@ Ticket #45: Happy Accidents): SW@ Ticket returns with a few delayed movie reviews (that I promise will score higher than a C in all cases), regarding the strange things that happen when people and metal crunch together unexpectedly... First, a crash course in Crash : Sandra Bullock, Hustle & Flow 's Terrence Howard, MI2 's Thandie Newton, Ludacris, and Matt Dillon (as a kinder, gentler scumbag) play a few of the more important strangers who collide (literally) with each other as well as with just about every racial stereotype you can think of.  Dillon is a corrupt cop who stops Newton and Howard on a Driving Unde...

In light of the recent tragedy, it didn't seem right to go about business as usual. If you're watching the news this morning, you know that there was a shooting at the Aurora, CO premiere of The Dark Knight Rises . A man named James Holmes burst into the Century 16 theater at approximately 12:30 this morning in full assault gear, bearing a rifle, two handguns, a shotgun, and tear gas canisters, killing 12 people and wounding fifty others. As someone with friends who went to Santana High School, I have to wonder what the hell is wrong with the citizens of Colorado. First, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold come to Columbine High with shotguns, killing 13 and wounding 21 before committing suicide, and now this asshole does what he did, and police are evacuating entire city blocks in response to the possible explosive device(s) in his apartment. There is definitely something in the water in that state. As someone who has mad respect for comic books, I see the Aurora shooting as an i...

In the first three episodes of Anger Management  (reviewed last issue ), there is news footage of "Charlie" getting angry and breaking his knee over a baseball bat, and an entire episode is devoted to the concept of the slumpbuster: a baseball player with a low batting average sleeping with the most full-figured or ugliest woman he can find to clear his head and get back on a hitting streak. In a brilliantly unoriginal play, USA Network's Necessary Roughness  aired an episode titled "Slumpbuster" that same week, complete with angry bat-breaker. I enjoy watching Callie Thorne ( Rescue Me ) as sports therapist Dani Santino, a much milder character than in her previous gig, but still taking crap as often as she takes no for an answer (not very often), especially when it comes to her two kids ( Amazing Spider-Man 's Hannah Marks and Mean Girls 2 's Patrick Johnson ) and her patients, who usually change from episode to episode, following the time-honored ...