Just the Ticket #158: K-9 P.I.

Article by Sean Wilkinson,

a.k.a. Ticketmaster: P.I.

I'm not really a private investigator, Ticketholders; I just felt the need, as I often do with these things, to leave clues in the byline and introductory paragraphs for those of you who don't look at the title or thumbnail for a given blog post. So maybe I'm more of a Riddler?

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Three years after K-911 got too old for this shit (and thirteen years after the 1989 original K-9), K-9: P.I. was released as the retirement party for the franchise, once more with Jim Belushi as Dooley (whose first name is apparently different now for some reason, not that the majority of casual moviegoers would notice that because he's only ever referred to in the movies themselves as Dooley, with the first names Michael and Thomas only ever showing up in the credits crawl), Jerry Lee (now played by King the German Shepherd and various others, as opposed to Mac and his doubles from K-911 or the brand identity exercise that was employed in the original by just introducing them as Jerry Lee in the credits), and Gary Scott Thompson returning as screenwriter. Captain Byers (James Handy) was replaced by Captain Thomas (the Robocop franchise's Blu Mankuma) for unknown reasons as the gruff police official trope (I like to think that the in-universe reason is that Byers was fired for slapping and punching his employees, but neither a story justification nor a production reason is directly given), and directing duties are taken up by Richard J. Lewis (eleven episodes of Superboy, 33 episodes of CSI, and six episodes of Westworld, among other credits).

Following their retirement party, Dooley and Jerry Lee stumble across a robbery/multiple homicide at a local technological research facility (LA MicroLabs--hinting that maybe our leads transferred from San Diego to Los Angeles, hence the new captain? Also, my OCD mind couldn't help but think of this as a way of tying the TV movie into the continuity, like LA MicroLabs makes the chips that power the Niner program or something) where two men in feature-obscuring suits and doll's head-like helmets are in the process of stealing some revolutionary and functionally nebulous super-microprocessor chips, the Alpha chip of which Jerry Lee eats at the crime scene while one of the thieves kills the other and escapes with the other three chips.

Adding to the list of disappointing developments, the FBI (represented here by Lost's Kevin Durand and Orphan Black's Matthew Bennett as Agents Verner and Henry, respectively) thinks Dooley is an accomplice and freezes his retirement pension. So a shenanigan montage ensues where our guys hook up with a flamboyant dog breeder to earn some puppy money, and they are introduced to Catherine (Another World's Barbara Tyson, because filming in Los CanadAngeles and giving Dooley awkward romantic chemistry with an actress from Another World is apparently a thing in these sequels) and her German Shepherd Molly (whom they have to dress up in a bad poodle costume because Jerry Lee has a French kink and he's literally full of shit after swallowing that chip, which makes no sense considering the relative size of the chip in the X-ray, but plot must plot and shit must plop...). When they get their up-front payment, the guys invest in a K-9: P.I. business offscreen (so the title actually makes sense for the first time in almost a decade) just in time for a super-obvious femme fatale character (Canadians who were alive in the 90s might recognize Traders' Kim Huffman as Laura Fields) to show up and hire Dooley to find her missing husband, complete with a cliche, detective noir, "sexy dangerous woman walks into a smoky room" brass instrumental.

The one constant across the series (besides Jerry Lee being a kinky Francophile) is the quality dog training and the strong "man's best friend" chemistry it creates between Belushi and the various Jerry Lees. Unfortunately, when those dramatic and comedic moments aren't the focus, we spend a great deal of time being reminded of what a greedy, horny, opportunistic scumbag Dooley is. From mooching off of Tracy in the first movie to the degree that she got kidnapped and almost killed, to repeatedly encouraging Jerry Lee to have sex with random people's dogs, to creating an offscreen HR nightmare with a much younger co-worker such that she hates him and he had to take a sexual harassment seminar between the first and second films - that did nothing to change his behavior!!! - to now getting romantically and/or sexually involved with two women at the same time, essentially in exchange for money and at Jerry Lee's expense, when he's not being a cop in an official capacity (remember that Aretha debacle from the first movie? That was pure, unofficial capacity!), Dooley is a piece of shit who should be neutered and microchipped for everyone's safety.

Oh, yeah; speaking of sexual solicitation and microchips, the twist reveal of the villain behind the villain is so foreshadowed that, were a child allowed to watch this movie, they would be able to figure it out with their eyes closed.

I did genuinely laugh at several points, the greater focus on action, suspense, and physicality helped the early pacing a great deal, and Thompson's script continued the trend of coherent investigative beats that he began in the last movie, so I'd say that K-9: P.I. is the exception to the Law Of Diminishing Returns (it's a better movie than K-911, but not as good as the original). But writing Dooley to go full horndog chopped Act II off at the knees, and that, combined with the obvious twist, cheapened and tainted the happy ending for me.

C-

So ends the September look at the K-9 film series. Next month, it's all horror, as R.L. Stine rules October and I do a List Lookback at the early After Dark Horrorfest standout, Penny Dreadful. Viewer and Ticketholder beware; Stay Tuned for a scare!

And as always, please remember to Become A Ticketholder if you haven't already, add to my comments down below, help out my ad revenue as you read so I can afford to pay off my debts and spend all day watching reviewable content, and follow me on Tumblr, Reddit, Facebook, and LinkedIn to like what you see and receive the latest news on my content.

Ticketmaster,

Out of dogs.