Just the Ticket #156: K-9
Article by Sean Wilkinson,
a.k.a. the Ticketmaster
R.I.P. Animal Sidekick 🦜
Buddy cop movies were all over the cinematic landscape in the 80s and 90s action scene, giving us such franchise starters as Lethal Weapon, Midnight Run, Moonlighting, Police Academy, 48 Hours, Bad Boys, and Rush Hour. That's only the tip of the iceberg, though, and while other variations of the "old, by-the-book cop gets a young, reckless partner" trope have been tried (like child endangerment), one subgenre that has done better than most is the "cop with animal sidekick" gimmick. Clint Eastwood had to work with orangutans in the Which Way movies, Bob Hoskins had to work with a cartoon rabbit, baby, and car in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, and Tom Hanks had to work with a French mastiff in Turner & Hooch. But because it's September, Wednesday was 9/11, and one of the sequels to today's movie has 911 in the title (and you've seen the title of this post), you know where this is going.
To continue knowing where Just the Ticket is going, please remember to Become A Ticketholder if you haven't already, leave your unruly animal sidekick down in the comments until they learn to behave, help out my ad revenue as you read so I can afford to pay off my debts and get a new animal sidekick of my own, and follow me on Tumblr, Reddit, Facebook, and LinkedIn to like what you see and receive the latest news on my dog-training content.
We immediately know what kind of movie we're in for when the opening credits have stereotypical 80s cop movie music (composed and given some scat-infused funkiness by Miles Goodman) playing over a sex scene while displaying such names as Rod Daniel (the director, who also directed Teen Wolf), James Handy (because now I can't get away from Jumanji, and here he plays Lt. Byers, the cranky boss character one can expect to find in nearly all cop movies of this era), and casting director Judith Weiner.
But aside from the "credits with sex scene has masturbation and penis names in it" joke that my inner teenage boy had to get out of the way, K-9 is filled with a fun mix of who's-who and "who's that?," including Road House villain Kevin Tighe as suspected white collar drug lord Ken Lyman, Married, With Children and Modern Family dad Ed O'Niell as the K-9 officer who introduces Dooley to Jerry Lee, The Nanny's Daniel Davis as corrupt car salesman (there's a joke in there somewhere) Halstead, The Warriors' John Snyder (because now everything I watch has someone from The Warriors in it) as Dooley's short-lived contact Freddie, Identity villain Pruitt Taylor Vince as Lyman's triggerman Benny "The Mule," and The Simpsons and Aladdin: The Return Of Jafar (plus the Disney Afternoon cartoon series) voice actor Dan Castallaneta as...a waiter.
Beating Lethal Weapon 2 to "main character avoids automatic gunfire from a helicopter" by three months and an entire opening scene, K-9 has Dooley narrowly survive an attempt on his life while he waits for Freddie to show up. With his car shot up and exploded (because 80s and 90s action movie cars were either indestructible tanks or made of nuclear tissue paper soaked in nitro glycerin and kerosene), Dooley spends the next morning bickering with Byers over new partners and new cars. In a nice subversion of genre tropes, there is no "you're a money-burning loose cannon, Dooley! Turn in your badge and your gun; you're off the case," or "meet your new partner; he's the exact opposite of you and I paired you two jackasses together because I enjoy pissing you off!" Instead, Dooley just says he doesn't need a new car or a partner, and starts trolling the neighborhood for Freddie in his Ford Mustang (of which there are three in this film that I could see, so maybe sponsorship?). Upon learning from Freddie that Lyman owns a huge warehouse, Dooley makes his way to a drug bust/standoff in progress (offscreen, which makes the transition feel more jarring and convenient than it probably could have been) where he talks Brannigan (O'Niell) into lending him a K-9 officer for the search. Unfortunately, Dooley is stuck with Jerry Lee, a highly trained but emotionally problematic German shepherd (so basically, he's Martin Riggs as a dog, minus the suicidal tendencies). The bonding between the two is unevenly paced but visible, and the comedy and ADR (Automated Doggo Replacement) vocalizations from Jerry Lee hit like they're supposed to (unless sexual assault is involved, which it is...twice). On the serious front, Kevin Tighe always plays an amazing smarmy, white-collar villain. But the police procedural logic gets lost in the comedy, leading to the predictable and easily avoidable kidnapping of Tracy, some third-act psychological warfare by Dooley that makes almost no sense (even after he explains it to Byers multiple times in a single scene), and a middle-of-nowhere showdown with Lyman and Halstead that lacks any real impact, stakes, or finality. Dooley and Jerry Lee rescue Tracy, Jerry Lee subdues Halstead to stop the shipment of drug-loaded cars, Lyman shoots Jerry Lee, and Lyman is shot to death by either an enraged Dooley or his own, unmentioned cartel contacts who are just there at the end suddenly to make things confusing. I guess this is a way of showing Dooley's growth, as he's come to realize that Tracy and Jerry Lee are more important than the job, but a heavily armed drug cartel knows who he is now! How is that not a priority after he almost got his girlfriend and his dog killed?
Anyway, Jerry Lee gets operated on and makes Dooley think he's dead to get some sappy apologies out of him for all of the jokes I laughed at throughout the movie.
As for the jokes I didn't laugh at (and getting back to the two instances of sexual assault that were framed as "comedy"), there is a scene where Dooley throws himself on top of a sunbathing woman at the beach and forcibly makes out with her to avoid being spotted by Lyman (she knees him in the groin for it, but that doesn't change the questionable nature of the scene), and another where Dooley lets Jerry Lee have offscreen sex with a French poodle (named Aretha), then basically tells her flamboyant black owner "let my dog finish fucking your dog because I'm a cop; here are some flowers."
The final scene sees Dooley, Tracy, Jerry Lee, and Aretha on their way to Vegas as the credits roll in. The logistics of how Dooley convinced Aretha's owner to let her come along are never explained and potentially socially repugnant to think about, so for my own sanity, I will just assume this is Jerry Lee's drug-induced fantasy while he continues to recover from the gunshot.
But that said, as a California kid, K-9 was a movie of my childhood, filmed in and around the San Diego area, Dooley and Jerry Lee are the perfect man's best friend bromantic duo, Lyman is a fun villain, Belushi is a drama/action/comedy triple-threat as Dooley, and of every 80s movie I've watched so far this year, K-9 has the best, most fun car chase among them. It's a shame the plot is such a mess, though.
B-
Next week, I've figured out how to fit a fifth movie into a four-week month, as I review the made-for-tv pilot/movie, K-9000 (so Stay Tuned) and the first direct-to-video sequel, K-911.
As always, please remember to Become A Ticketholder if you haven't already, leave your unruly animal sidekick down in the comments until they learn to behave, help out my ad revenue as you read so I can afford to pay off my debts and get a new animal sidekick of my own, and follow me on Tumblr, Reddit, Facebook, and LinkedIn to like what you see and receive the latest news on my dog-training content.
Ticketmaster,
Out.
Comments
Post a Comment