Just the Ticket #54: Save the Whales!
EDIT: One critic for Entertainment Weekly wrote this week that "the biggest miracle is that this movie is only kinda bad." And I would tend to agree on the subject of Big Miracle, the latest family-oriented animal rescue adaptation that Hollywood has dropped at our collective doorstep (wipe most of the images of flaming bags of dog crap from your mind).
The 80's are drawing to a close at the top of the world, and Drew "Lash Blatht" Barrymore, looking far outside her comfort zone in this kid-friendly drama (aside from clumsily portraying her awkward chemistry with onscreen ex John Krasinski), lisps and whines beneath a pile of bag-lady hair extensions as an environmental activist trying to annoy everyone into helping a family of three grey whales (Fred, Wilma, and Bam-Bam--"Wait. Isn't Pebbles Fred and Wilma's kid?" Yes, Drew. But don't mention it in front of Bam-Bam) reach the ocean before they get trapped under the ice and suffocate.
The action takes place in Barrow, Alaska, the same town that was slaughtered by vampires in 30 Days of Night. Or rather, it takes place in a movie studio, where Barrow somehow gets sunlight in October and no one's breath shows in -40 degree cold as they're chipping away at the ice in just one layer of winter clothing and the producers are too cheap to spring for animatronic whale heads with mouths that move. Where's Cleve Hall when you need him?
In addition to one of the only morally upright main characters in Big Miracle being too annoying for words, anyone with sufficient financial and political heft to make a difference is helping the whales solely because their approval rating is lower than that of your average Communist dictator at the time. But as in any superficial, Disneyfied inspire-athon these days, even a selfish, politically motivated oil tycoon (played by Damages star Ted Danson, in his usual gruff, sarcastic, "I still think Becker is relevant" manner) can find a genuine ounce of humanity that makes his small heart grow three sizes in a day. Somehow, I still wound up riveted to Big Miracle, since it meant I didn't have to like the film to root for the whales.
Not only are whales smarter than people, they're better actors, too. Even when they're fake.
Comments
Post a Comment