Just the Ticket #99: Cinematic Callbacks

Good evening again, Ticketholders! As we tiptoe up to the hundredth issue of Just the Ticket, I bring you a collection of cinematic callbacks. That is, reviews and Critical Quickies that refer back to the content of the previous issue in some way. Also, between now and Halloween, I will be re-posting callbacks to some ghosts from the SW@ Ticket Archive and my Greatest Hits before getting into some scary new material for All Hallows' Eve. But first, let's dive into this thing the only way I know how: butt first. Cannonball!

Boulevard--Robin Williams (The Birdcage), Bob Odenkirk (Fargo), Kathy Baker (Age of Adaline--Callback Alert!): Sorry. That "butt first" remark was a bad choice of words on my part. In his final role, Robin Williams awkwardly portrays a play-it-safe loan officer who develops a platonic relationship with a male escort. Some speculate Boulevard is "the movie that made Robin Williams kill himself." And although I was not so prejudiced beforehand, as I attempted to watch it, I could not help but develop the connection myself. I do not hate it as some of my fellow reviewers seem to do. However, between Williams' performance, the controversial subject matter of the film, and the circumstances that seemingly surrounded its production, I grew to share his discomfort as it progressed. Perhaps that I feel this way is a testament to Williams' abilities as an actor, but it doesn't change the fact that Boulevard was small, sad, slow, and hard to watch. So I didn't finish watching it.
F+

Aloha--Bradley Cooper (Limitless), Emma Stone (Amazing Spider-Man 2), Danny McBride (Pineapple Express), Bill Murray (Broken Flowers): When it started, I hated this movie. When Bradley Cooper isn't playing a budding social mastermind, an alien raccoon, or the Elephant Man on Broadway, he's playing the same goofy-grinned, emotionally damaged, blue-eyed ladies' man-in-progress that he always brings to the camera, this time as a former astronaut-turned-smooth-talking politico who dresses like an extra from JAG. Emma Stone opts for a too-abrasive take on the comically uptight woman in uniform that was so recently perfected by Sandra Bullock (The Heat) and made a watered-down mockery of by Reese Witherspoon (Hot Pursuit--Callback Alert!). Danny McBride is cast here as the "commanding officer" of a Hawaiian military base, but only serves as a weak reminder that Aloha is supposed to be a comedy of some kind. Perhaps a romantic one? Who knows? There's Hawaiian tribal mysticism, a forced and nearly chemistry-free guy-pursues-uninterested-girl "plot," a commercialization of space travel "plot" (with Bill Murray as the "villain"), a love triangle "plot," an espionage "plot," and so many other stereotypical, sarcastically quoted "plots," that I spent half of the movie wondering when (and most importantly, if) any of them could ever be "resolved." And yet, at some point near its end, Aloha decided to morph into the romantic comedy that it had tried so desperately (and failed in so epic a fashion) to be from the beginning. Chemistry magically appeared (or was it through that Hawaiian mysticism I was talking about?) between Cooper and Stone. The sarcastic quotation marks mysteriously vanished from the words "plot" and "resolved" (but not from "commanding officer" or "villain," unfortunately), and something smart and entertaining emerged from the floating wreckage of the splashdown-gone-awry that is Aloha. Another Callback Alert: Last issue, I hinted at the triple meaning of this movie's title. Did I say "hello" when the movie began? Reluctantly, yes. Did I gladly say "goodbye" when it was over? Yes. Did I love Aloha at any point? Not really. Cameron Crowe, don't try so hard next time. You're better than this.
D+

Into the Grizzly Maze--Billy Bob Thornton (Fargo), James Marsden (X-Men franchise), Thomas Jane (The Punisher), Piper Perabo (Coyote Ugly), Bart the Bear II: The title was changed from Red Machine to Endangered to Grizzly before finally settling on Into the Grizzly Maze. Personally, I think Red Machine has better branding. But it doesn't matter what title or poster was used to promote Grizzly Maze because no matter what you call a turd, it's still just bear crap in the woods. The previews accompanying this movie were for SyFy Channel Original Movies. The characters are so dumb that they would willingly walk into a massive forest that they themselves named "The Grizzly Maze." The sound on my copy was a full second out of sync the entire time. The cast and the gore were the only good things about this by-the-numbers animal-slasher, and the poor sound editing ruined even that. So, Callback Alert: it failed to a-Maze by an un-bear-able margin.
F

And while I have Billy Bob on the brain, it was a travesty that, for all of his nominations, he did not win a single Emmy for his portrayal of Lorne Malvo in the first season of FX's Fargo. The second season is now on the air, and has so far failed to produce as powerful a characterization as his. Every shot with Thornton in it was a dose of sadistically gleeful trainwreck entertainment that not even the trashiest reality series could ever hope to provide. Benedict Cumberbatch is also a powerful actor in his own right (The Imitation Game was a nerdy, historical masterpiece, and I am looking forward to his upcoming performance as Doctor Strange solely because of his Alan Turing role in that film), but still, Hollywood voters, you disgust me.

Child 44--Tom Hardy (Mad Max: Fury Road--Callback Alert!), Gary Oldman (The Dark Knight Rises, also featuring Hardy), Noomi Rapace (Girl With the Dragon Tattoo): Producer Ridley Scott is back in top form after directing the critical dud The Counselor, this time bringing us an adaptation of Tom Rob Smith's Child 44. Although I have previously deemed Tom Hardy an average-to-unnecessary actor, he steps up his game here as well, leading the cast as disgraced MGB operative Leo Demidov, a Soviet soldier who defies Communist doctrine in his efforts to hunt down a serial murderer who had thus far killed 43 children. The film's running time is long, but necessarily so, packed with vivid, multi-faceted characters, and well-researched historical elements that adequately beef up its procedural thriller backbone. A rising red tide that easily lifts all boats, Child 44 is the uncontested favorite this issue.
A

I'm done with the Cinematic Callbacks, but here, in extra-quick fashion, are a few more films to feast your eyes upon--or not.

Broken Horses--Vincent D'Onofrio (Netflix's Daredevil), Anton Yelchin (JJ Abrams' Star Trek), Chris Marquette (Alpha Dog, also starring Yelchin), Thomas Jane (Into the Grizzly Maze--okay, I lied a little; Callback Alert!): Yelchin's character returns to his small, country town to reconnect with his mentally disabled brother (played by Marquette), who has been brainwashed into becoming a hitman for a local crime boss (D'Onofrio). While the disability angle might seem unsettling, or even annoying, to some, the brotherly chemistry between the two younger actors is palpable here, and as always, D'Onofrio does his level best at being his level worst. A sad, small modern western, but engaging for its performances.
B

Jackie & Ryan--Katherine Heigl (Grey's Anatomy), Ben Barnes (Seventh Son): A train-hopping musician and a failed pop star-turned-music teacher-slash-mom develop a relationship with one another. While the old-time music is enjoyable, it feels like Once, done once too many times with one plot more than it needs. Its focus is unfocused, its balance is imbalanced, and its closure is open-ended.
D

True Story--James Franco & Jonah Hill (pick a Judd Apatow movie): Franco's imprisoned murder suspect plays mind games with Hill's disgraced New York Times reporter in this engaging thriller that serves as an origin story of sorts for its source material: the memoir (also titled True Story) of real life Times reporter Michael Finkel. It's fun to watch these two comedy powerhouses play off of each other in a genre that isn't entirely in their element, but as a complete narrative--or as complete as one can make a true, ongoing narrative based on lies and other mind games--it has more gaping plot holes than any True Story layman should be made to peer through. If you read the memoir (as I did not), True Story may be the perfect visual palate-cleanser to follow your meal of words. If you did not, I again urge you to pick a Judd Apatow movie and observe Hill and Franco in their natural habitat instead. May I suggest Pineapple Express? Callback Alert!
C

I have several things planned to march us on to the hundredth issue of Just the Ticket, some of which I've already mentioned at the beginning of this post. Another involves my Cover Charge column and the recent completion of Zenescope Entertainment's Realm War story arc. Stay tuned for more Ticket Stubs and timely Coverage as the march to one hundred...marches on. Good night!

This Ticket-critic
is out Quick.