Just the Ticket #82: Machete Kills

I just finished watching Get the Gringo for the second time, and it reminded me why I didn't much care for it originally.
Chief among the film's less desirable qualities was the fact that the bulk of the dialogue was in Spanish, and although I understand enough to speak it like an ignorant Gringo myself, I was disappointed that there were no subtitles for most of it, like they were forgotten in post-production. Mel Gibson made up for this shortcoming by going back to his roots--by which I mean the natural comedian he was in Lethal Weapon, not his actual roots as the son of an anti-Semitic alcoholic, which inspired such pieces of crap as Passion of the Christ and Apocalypto--and reminding us why he was such an appealing actor in the first place.

Gibson continues this display of charisma and larger-than-life ego as a villain in the latest installment of Robert Rodriguez' Grindhouse franchise: Machete Kills (and, if no one else has anything to say about it, Machete Kills...Again...In Space..ace...ace...ace...).
Just like the first Machete, this Kill-er sequel is full of blood, gore, sex, and entertaining ridiculousness (cloned super-soldiers, The Bridge's Damian Bichir as a human bomb with a split personality, Sofia Vergara wearing a gun-bra, Michelle Rodriguez as a one-eyed female Che Guevara, Gibson as an Armageddonist who can see the future, Cuba Gooding, Jr., Antonio Banderas, Lady Gaga, and Justified's Walton Goggins as the same person, Danny Trejo as the nigh-invincible title hero who plays like a benevolent Jason Voorhes, and most ridiculous of all, probably, Anger Management star "Carlos Estevez" as the President of the United States, where "winning is just the beginning." If my middle name was Irene, I'd get drunk and high and have a nervous breakdown on the interweb, too, duh. Pass me the Tiger Blood).
Even with it's slapped-together cast (get as many famous people in as possible so we can name drop like we have butterfingers!) and plot (basically the prequel to the movie Ben Affleck's character never got to make in Argo), I found Machete Kills ("that's what he does!") to be far better--by which I mean worse in a more gooder way--than the first Machete. I suppose being bigger and more simplistic makes a movie easier to follow when you do it right.
B-

Stay tuned for some Serious Technical Difficulties as All is Lost to Robert Redford in the next issue of Just the Ticket.

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