Just the Ticket

There's a common thread or two to today's reviews, first among them being Mark Wahlberg (known back in the day as Marky Mark). So with no further ado, it's about that time to bring forth reviewin' and some rhyme. Feel the vibration! We begin with We're the Millers , starring Jason Sudeikis, Jennifer Aniston, and Emma Roberts (not to be confused with the sitcom The Millers , starring Will Arnett, Beau Bridges, and Margo Martindale). Sudeikis plays a hapless drug dealer who gets robbed and must assemble a fake family to smuggle "a smidge of marijoowanna" (which turns out to be the Mexican equivalent of a metric assload) across the US/Mexican border in an oversized RV while dealing with clingy tourists, corrupt Federales, psychotic drug dealers, and Border Patrol agents who love their jobs a bit too much. Jennifer Aniston seems to have found new life in the world of R-rated comedies, bucking her identity as "Rachel on Friends " by stealing the sh...

I made a grievous error when I assumed that Dealin' With Idiots would hold any merit. True, the toilet crud of a film boasts Timothy Olyphant (TV's Justified ), Gina Gershon ( Breathless ), and a who's-who-meets-who's-that of comedy (Richard Kind, Jamie Gertz, JB Smoove, Jeff Garlin, etc.), but what the actors are subjected to (and are made to subject us to) is a brand of selfish, mundane obssessiveness so infuriatingly deadpan that it could more rightly be called lifeless-pan, or soulless-pan, and calling it a comedy would be an undeserved compliment. Apropos of this cinematic nothing, Garlin plays a comedian surrounded by one-dimensional personifications of every "don't" in the anger management handbook. The only thing that could possibly make this movie any worse (and does) is that people are really that insane. I suppose that therein lies the point of the pointlessness, but why buy the milk when you can ask the cow's grandmother to show you her f...

It's a two-for-one sale on superheroes today, Ticketholders! Earlier today, I gave you a not-so-super review of Man of Steel , and I just recently got home from the Lee Theater here in town, where I happened to watch Thor: The Dark World  on Thor's Day (or Thursday, as we call it here in Midgard). So again, without further ado, I present to you another foray into the realm of Sequelheim, as we answer Thor's third cinematic appearance with a follow-up to my own post of a few years ago. Welcome to "Deus Ex Machina II: It's Thor's Day!" Following previews for Captain America: Winter Soldier  and the Need For Speed  movie, we are immediately thrown into a Marvel-interpreted mythology lesson on why the second Thor  film is subtitled The Dark World . It seems you can't have an epic, Universe-spanning story these days without incurring the wrath of some "time before time existed" big-bad from beyond the stars. The big-bad here is Malekith (played...

It's a new week in movies, and in addition to Thor: The Dark World , which I will watch tonight and try to have a review of for you tomorrow, I spent my morning watching Zack Snyder & Christopher Nolan's Man of Steel . As superhero movies go, Man of Steel  proved to be less than super. The casting was spectacular (Kevin Costner and Diane Lane as John and Martha Kent, Russel Crowe as Jor-El, Michael Shannon as General Zod, Amy Adams as Lois Lane--we've never had a blonde Lois Lane before--Lawrence Fishburne as Perry White--we've never had a black Perry White, either--and even newcomer Henry Cavill as the titular hero, but a paragraph on him a bit later), and the origin story was creatively told (going for a flashback-laden progression from angsty youthful outcast to less-angsty philanthropic drifter to charismatic hero to fake-angsty awkward reporter, almost like condensing all ten seasons of Smallville  into a two-and-a-half hour showcase, but with that signature ...

Before I get into the reviews today, I'd like to do as the President does, and give a long overdue State of the Ticketverse address. My combined posts to date have racked up over 17,100 pageviews, with REM, Slither , and A Little Bit of Heaven maintaining the top spots with over 500 pageviews each. I am geeking out at the small-scale success of this online enterprise. Thank you, whoever you may be, for reading what I put forth. So look, here's the deal: before the end of this fiscal year, I plan to pass 20,000 pageviews. With your help, and a little hope, we...can...make...it...happen. As you read this, ask yourselves can we cross the 20,000 pageview milestone?  YES...WE...CAN! YES...WE...CAN! YES...WE...CAN! Iiiiiii'm sooo in looove with youuuuu. Whatever you want to do is alright with meeeeeeeee! Ahem. Sorry about that. I got drunk on all that fake presidential power I gave myself. Time to get that dirt off my shoulder and get down to brass tax (tacks? taxis? I never un...

As promised last time, I've come down with another case of Sequel-itis. No clever backlog of rants for you today (which is apparently a symptom of this particular strain of the Hollywood horror), so speaking of Hollywood horror, I'll just jump right into a review of the latest and possibly the greatest entry in the strange Franchise of Chucky.... It might sound like a colossally stupid idea to make a movie about a doll who gets possessed by a serial killer and becomes a nigh-immortal homicide-machine, but the colossally stupid idea that began with Child's Play  has since grown into a six-movie franchise, the latest of which rounds out   what I call the Trilogy of Chucky  (since the latter three end with "of Chucky," rather than being numbered Child's Play 4-6 ). This unexpected, underrated sixth installment, titled Curse of Chucky , serves as both an adequate conclusion and a welcome opening for future entrants in the series. It's been awhile since I fi...

My zombie novel is becoming slow work (I'm only on page 12 at this point, as I re-write the damned thing every time I make progress on it), and I keep losing confidence in it as a novel, opting temporarily for screenplay (which I have even less experience in than novelization) and comic book (though my artistic skills are strongly outweighed by my vision and tendency toward dialog and excessive description) as alternative mediums of expression. I am currently going through the rigamarole of upgrading from my four-year-old slider phone to a smartphone so that when I feel struck by inspiration, I can speak my ideas and save them in text format for later use. I'm also toying with the idea of compiling a book of my reviews for limited release to pose to the book club I attend with some of my co-workers on a semi-regular monthly basis. It is a huge undertaking, as I have roughly 9 years of material to go back through. Quick note: Kudos (Cliff, Quaker Chewy, Balance, and Nature Va...